How IFS Can Help Break Free from People-Pleasing

“People-pleasing often comes from a deep desire to avoid conflict, gain approval, or feel valued. But these behaviors can lead to burnout and resentment. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a compassionate way to understand and heal the parts driving people-pleasing tendencies.”

What Drives People-Pleasing in IFS?

• Protector Parts:
  • The “People-Pleaser” part tries to keep you safe from rejection or criticism.
  • A “Conflict Avoider” part may push you to agree with others, even at your expense.
• Exiled Parts:
  • Often linked to past experiences of abandonment, fear, or low self-worth.
  • Protectors work overtime to shield these vulnerable parts from further pain.

How IFS Addresses People-Pleasing

1. Identifying the People-Pleaser Part:
   • Notice when you feel the urge to say “yes” to things you don’t want to do.
   • Explore the emotions or fears that arise when you consider saying “no.”
2. Building a Relationship with the Part:
   • Approach the People-Pleaser with curiosity and compassion.
   • Ask questions like, “What are you protecting me from?”
3. Unburdening the Exiles:
   • Work with deeper wounds that fuel people-pleasing tendencies.
   • Help vulnerable parts release burdens of fear or inadequacy.
4. Embracing Self-Leadership:
   • Cultivate the courage and clarity to prioritize your needs without guilt.