The IFS 6 F's: How to Connect with Your Parts and Reach Your Exiles

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, developed by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, is a transformative approach to psychotherapy that helps individuals understand and heal their inner parts. 🌟

Central to the IFS model are the 6 F’s—a structured set of steps designed to facilitate communication and healing between the Self and various parts. These steps—Find, Focus, Flesh Out, Feel Toward, Befriend, and Fears—offer a pathway for therapists and practitioners to guide clients on their inner journeys.

Whether you’re new to IFS or looking to deepen your understanding, this guide will equip you with the knowledge and tools to support clients in achieving profound emotional healing and self-awareness. 🙌

Why Do We Need to Know the 6 F’s in IFS?

The goal of an IFS session is to create a space where the Self can connect with a person’s parts. 💖 When someone enters an IFS session, they bring their entire internal system—their Self and all their parts. The session revolves around what’s happening in this inner system.

To foster a Self-to-Part connection, we need to locate the part in question and create a safe space for it to meet the Self. This is where the 6 F’s process comes in, guiding us step by step to nurture this connection.

What Are the 6 F’s in IFS?

Let’s explore each step in detail:

1. Find

An IFS session rarely starts with a specific part. Instead, sessions often begin by addressing a challenging situation or behavior. The underlying assumption is that these challenges arise from a part (or group of parts) struggling to cope with the situation—typically wounded parts stuck in extreme roles. 😓

These wounded parts have reasons for their actions, but they are often helpless and exhausted. The first step in the 6 F’s process is to “Find” the part that needs attention in or around the body. 🧠

Start by discussing the situation or challenge.
Explore the emotions that surface, such as anger, fear, or dread.
Focus on where these feelings are located in or around the body.

This process allows us to become consciously aware of the part, creating a sense of separation between the part and the Self.

2. Focus

Once we’ve identified a part, the next step is to “Focus” on it by turning our attention inward.

Ask yourself:

Where do I feel this part right now?
What’s its experience in this moment?
What are these thoughts or sensations trying to communicate?

This inward focus can feel unusual or even scary for some. 😨 If fear arises, it may indicate that another part is present, feeling wary of focusing inward. That’s okay—all parts are welcome. 🌈

By staying present with the part and focusing on its sensations and emotions, it begins to unblend, making it easier to recognize it as its own unique entity.

3. Flesh Out

The third step, “Flesh Out,” involves listening to the part’s story and learning more about it. 🗣️

At first, the part may feel like a vague emotion or sensation. However, as we listen and explore, we begin to uncover its:

Needs.
Fears.
Feelings.

Ask questions like:

What does this part look like?
How does it feel?
What does it want to share?

This process helps transform the part into a being we can truly connect with, paving the way for deeper understanding. 🌱

4. Feel Toward

This step, “Feel Toward,” is critical for determining whether the Self is present.

Ask yourself: “How do I feel about this part?”

The answer will likely fall into one of three categories:

“This part is me.”
- The part is still blended with your consciousness, meaning the Self is not yet present.
“I don’t like this part.”
- A judgmental part has taken over, preventing an open, curious connection.
“I feel open and curious about it.”
- This indicates that both the part and the Self are present.

When another part is blended and blocking the Self, ask it for some space:

“Would you be willing to step aside so I can get to know you better?”
Reassure it that it’s not being pushed away but simply invited to allow some room for exploration. 💕

When the part feels safe enough to step aside, the Self can connect with genuine curiosity and compassion. 🧡

5. Befriend

Once the Self and the part are in connection, we move to “Befriend.”

Here, the Self starts building a real relationship with the part, asking questions to understand its role:

Why do you do what you do?
What is your positive intention for the system?
What are your fears and hopes?

Even if the Self doesn’t agree with the part’s methods, it learns to appreciate its protective intentions. This understanding fosters a sense of compassion, allowing the part to feel seen, heard, and valued. 🌟

This is also when the part begins to recognize the Self as a compassionate and trustworthy presence. For some parts, this realization is cathartic—a moment of true connection and relief.

6. Fears

The final step, “Fears,” involves understanding the protector’s deepest fears.

Ask the part:

What do you believe would happen if you stopped doing your job?
What are you afraid of if you let go of control?

Keep digging into these fears by asking follow-up questions:

“If that happened, what would happen next?”
“And if that happened, how would you feel?”

Eventually, a deeply vulnerable Exile may emerge—a part carrying unresolved wounds that the protector has been safeguarding. 🛡️

This step reveals the true source of the protector’s actions, offering an opportunity for deeper healing. 🌈

Conclusion: What Are the Next Steps?

After completing the 6 F’s process with a protector, you can proceed to apply the same steps to the Exile it’s protecting—if the protector gives permission.

Whether you’re working alone or with a therapist, mastering the 6 F’s process is essential for connecting with and healing the wounded parts of your inner system.